From the time of my adolescence onward, there is one word that has continued to hold my attention: Reticence.

The first time I ever remember reading it, the still, small voice of God spoke into my heart about the importance of practicing this thing called "reticence" in my life - not only as a young person then, but for my whole life through.

Interestingly, the words reticence and reticent in the same dictionary in which I first studied them appear with shorter, less detailed definitions than the ones I first remember reading!  What I realize now is that God wasn't merely teaching me a word - He was introducing to me a concept: the life-style of speaking choice words.

Proverbs 10.19-20 NASB tells us that "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable. But he who restrains his lips is wise.  The tongue of the righteous is choice silver..."   Another translation of that verse says that the righteous are "restrained in speech".

Being restrained, or choiceful in our words should be a matter of importance for every believer.  As mentioned in the preceding verses, when many words are present, transgression is unavoidable.

The Apostle James wrote "My dear brothers, take note of this:  Everyone  should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."   [James 1.19 NIV]

This instruction to be quick to listen I believe has two applications - First, we should endeavour to be good listeners to those we have contact with (versus focusing on what we want to say). And secondly, we should be well-developed in listening to our self. 

A person who runs at the mouth all the time doesn't really listen to themselves and to what they are saying.

Painfully, Proverbs calls that kind of person a fool, and their words are defined as folly.  But if we will listen to our self, if we will begin monitoring our own thoughts and words before we speak them, then we will walk as the wise and escape trouble.  "He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles." - Proverbs 21.23 NASB

Reticent is a Latin word, meaning to be silent or reserved in speech;  restrained in expression, presentation, or appearance.

Certainly we were not created to never utter a word. We were made to be a speaking spirit like God is.

However, our words are to be carefully and specifically chosen (just as His are).

The art of reticence is to restrain your words and not to tell all that you know. A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and he who is cool in spirit is a man of understanding.  [Prov. 17.27 NIV, NASB]

We can accumulate a lot of knowledge (good and bad), but that doesn't mean that we have to tell all that we know.  It is the person of understanding that will know what to speak and what to refrain from speaking in every situation.  The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable.   [Prov. 10.32 NKJV]

Reticence is more than speaking - it involves being choiceful in our thoughts as well - taking the time to weigh and evaluate every thought before we speak.  It is actually learning to live from the inside, out.

There can be a multitude of words going on inside of you - but the more you learn to evaluate and sift through those thoughts, disregarding the ones that aren't really as important or worthwhile, then when you do open your mouth, you will speak only what would be of the most value to your listeners.  And you'll waste a lot less time on idle talk.

It is important that we remember that Jesus said "for every idle word (thoughtless, profitless word)  men may speak, they will give an account of it in the day of judgment.  For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."   (Matt. 12.36-37 NKJV)

When we speak wrong, profitless, thoughtless words, yes (thank God) we can repent and be forgiven - but it is far better to not even speak those words to start with.

We should never allow anything or anyone to pressure us to speak hastily.  Proverbs 29.20 says "Do you see a man who is hasty in his words?  There is more hope for a fool than for him."

I've come to realize that it's not enough to just live each moment for God's glory - we must live every second honouring Him.  Seconds matter.  A lot of hurtful words can be spoken in a few seconds, words that can scar for life.  So we must consecrate and live every second for Him.

The words of James are written in a chain of effect: when we are quick to listen, we are more likely to be slower to speak in response to what is on our own mind, and consequently, we will also be slower to give place to anger.

Proverbs again instructs us - "Those with good sense are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offence."    [Prov. 19.11 NRSV]

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, O LORD, my strength and my redeemer.   Psalm 19.14

Contrary to what is often believed by the majority, our words, thoughts and actions do matter.

There is a way that is acceptable to the Lord and a way that is not.  If we think it's Okay to say and do whatever we want to, we are badly mistaken.  The words of our mouth, the meditation of our heart, and the way we live our life do matter, and we should be pursuing what is acceptable before God.

One thing we must also realize is that we don't always have to respond when we are spoken to or asked a question.  Ecclesiastes 3.7 says that there is a "...time to speak and a time keep silent..."  Sometimes doing what is acceptable to God in a situation means doing and saying absolutely nothing.

What is important is to make sure that whatever He says to do - that we do it.

Jesus is ,of course, our ultimate example in everything.

One has said that the same Book which gives the facts of the Saviour's readiness to pour out the treasures of His knowledge and affection upon certain ones, shows Him reticent, reserved, and even silent to others who were following Him in His journeys. The Gospel says plainly and unmistakably that there were persons to whom He did not commit Himself.

There were some people like Herod and Pilate, to whom Christ was always silent, and still others to whom He did not commit Himself.  Here was not a refusal to speak, but a careful avoidance of confidence and trust as to deep Gospel truths, His own personal life and history, and plans for the present and future of the Kingdom He had come to establish.

Jesus said "do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor casts your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet."  (Matt. 7.6)  I don't believe He was telling us to label certain people as dogs and swine!  But the truth is, we aren't suppose to broadcast what is private and precious to just every body. Proverbs says that "discretion accompanies good sense."

Closely related to reticence is a quality known as demure.  Demure is "marked by quiet modesty, restraint, sedate reserve, sobriety; propriety; not demanding attention; serious, calm, composed."

One possessing true demure is calm, composed, and free from any pressure to draw attention to themselves. They don't tell everything about themselves, but instead are reserved and selective in their speech and conduct, which results from an inward sufficiency.

Refinement has often been mocked and ridiculed in our society, yet the Word of God stresses that we walk in refinement of character and conduct at all times.  After all, we must remember that we are representing Him. So we must order our speech and conduct in a manner honouring to the Lord.

"Let your conversation be gracious and effective so that you will have the right answer for everyone."  Col. 4.6 NLT

 "Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."   Eph. 4.29 NLT

As with any art, reticence must be developed and practiced with diligence.  No one becomes skilled at anything overnight.  Giftings and talents are something we're born with, but the skills to fulfill those things to their highest potential is something we must cultivate and grow.

The Spirit of God has made us, and the breath of the Almighty gives us life. [Job 33.4]

Let's allow His Life to flow through our words and actions more than ever -